At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
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I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
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Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
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