my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
