woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
well you can't waste a boner
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
soo... how was my night?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
