her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
