what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize