Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
