he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
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And to think..we used to do everything sober...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
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I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This is classic penis vs brain.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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