Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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