I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
