Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
