I accidentally had phone sex last night
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize