We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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