I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
