exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
