she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
