I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
