so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
