I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
