I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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