I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
