it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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