I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
