Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
