Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
