All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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