no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
