You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
