All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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