i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
