oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
