Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
