So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
