I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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