Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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