Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
