yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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