Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
