Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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