I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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