dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
