Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
