I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now