i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...