Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
