Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce

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(630): View more from Illinois

I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.

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(813): View more from Florida

I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please

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(914): View more from New York

You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle

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