Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
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I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
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I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?