Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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