Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
