I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.