Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
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You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
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I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.