The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
