i wish my penis had a tongue
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
