shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
