Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
