Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
