I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
