i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
home. puking in laundry basket.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
