Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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