I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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