When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
