Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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