so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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