sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
