So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
