His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
be right there i have to get my cape
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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