I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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