my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
