Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
