apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
