Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You are a genius and a whore.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
