Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
